yr after yr pple all over the world welcomes the new yr.. i wonder what’s so happy abt the new year?
i m not happy at all…
every yr is the same for me…
nothing ever changes that mks the new yr ‘happy’
and.. i m feeling sore.. sad and anxious on ‘Happy New Year’
i figured out that i will nv be happy… happy
I wish i could juz vanish into thin air….
hey….r u guys waiting to see our holiday pics??? oh well.. nothing interesting … nvtheless… i juz show u some of my fave photos!
Macau:
Shenzhen – No pics coz according to BH, it is dangerous to take out camera… hmmm :what:
Hongkong:
Hongkong Disneyland!!!
Took pic with mulan’s dragon.. coz it has NO queue! haha
haha… if u r wondering why is Bh’s specs black… t’s coz he’s gt transition lenses!!! which is soooooo cool can! keke.. does he look like a bind man?
ate this… which was total cuteness!!
it was a nice trip…. with lots of shopping! hahaha… i guess i wld go back again! hehe :grin1
if u r wondering…. or if you missed me… i am back already…
the holiday was alright… everything went as planned.. we didn’t visit the ocean park
now… i m have some issues with my complexion… dunno what’s wrong… argh…. would love to meet up with you all… but give me some time for my face to recover…
and here i am… back to this sucky feeling…
In 16 hours time.. i will be away on my well-deserved holiday to HK-Macau-Shenzhen … shld be very exciting right??? but somehow.. i feel so anxious and afraid…. argh… i hate this feeling…. like i’m afraid that something bad will happen…. and it will be the 1st time that BH and i will be travelling together from the beginning to the end… i feel so insecure man…. i mean… not tt i juz knew him or something… juz afraid… coz no sister/no friends/no parents… juz me and him…. it juz freaks me out… what if something happens to me or him while we r in a foreign land???? hope i’ll be able to enjoy myself and not be so paronoid… :cuckoo:
i wonder.. how come other girls can go abroad with their bfs feeling so relaxed??? i juz can’t… i know i’m weird… please pray that BH won’t become a wolf or a vampire or something scary… *shiverX100000000000000* i think i am so gonna miss my sister :sad1
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actually i shld have blogged about this long ago… BUT blogging abt this now isn’t too late…
On 1 Dec 2007, BH and i went down to HDB to sign the lease of agreement to buy the flat( this thingy will sort of confirm that we MUST get married in a few yrs down the road.. so that we wld get the keys) .. we were supposed to meet for breakfast first b4 we sign it BUT i was late (read below to find out more)…. BH was real upset that i came late for one of the impt event of our lives however i was even more upset coz this event will mark “That’s it” for me and he hasn’t even asked for my hand offically.. ( no.. it’s not the diamond ring it’s juz his sincerity…. i mean i don’t doubt his love for me.. juz that i m not sure how sincere/serious he is with me or rather with us)
prior to that, i have told you all ( the pple who read my blog) about our dilemma… besides this, i also kept thinking about how BH is shortchanging our relationship… things are nt what i had planned… it becomes really “messed up” as time goes on…
i always thot that a couple would only apply for a flat when the bf proposed… but we SKIPPED that step… we juz jumped right into it… i feel so weird…. so i went to read my livejournal blog “littledreamz” and i realised that it actually took us more than a yr to settle on our flat… and when we first started… the feeling was mutual…even w/o him proposing! *stupid me.. i must be blinded*
so i recalled what YM and Caryn said respectively ” ehh… in Singapore… buy flat = get married leh ” and ” wah… it’s a big thing.. have to take it seriously” and i sorta panicked!!! why??? coz… he hasn’t PROPOSED and signing the bloody lease of agreement means it’s “THE END”
Definition of “THE END” : we will surely get married by 30 JUNE 2012 coz of the flat…
oh well…. and so… i feel cheated and shortchanged…. there goes romantic proposal ( though he said he would propose) … even if he evetually proposed, the proposal isn’t meaningful anymore… *bang head* reality is different from my idealistic world….
of course, BH is aware of what i am thinking… and he juz HATES it when i go on about such things… BUT i can’t help myself that i am a woman and i think thisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss much…… after 12, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, blah blah yrs…. i hope that i could still look back and smile at this chapter of my life…
so i guess it’s “That’s it” for me now…. *wallows in self-pity*
well… i dreamt of a Praying Mantis last night… and how i wanted to stop it from jumping around on my bed! argh… weird dream isn’t it? so i went to search this website to determine what my dream means…
Praying Mantis
To see a praying mantis in your dream, suggests that you are in a destructive relationship. It may also indicate that you are preying on others or that you are behaving deviously.
on the other hand, what i dreamt may also be a grasshopper…
Grasshopper
To see a grasshopper in your dream, symbolizes freedom, independence or spiritual enlightenment. Alternatively, it indicates your inability to settle down or commit to a decision.
oh well…. i’m feel nervous.. coz i m going for a dental check-up ALONE later…. *shiver*
i told myself tt i must blog today.. coz i havent done so for quite long….
let’s see… professional week ( = go to sch even if it’s school hols) is over! so i am enjoying myself at home… it feels weird to be free… but i’m happy coz i get to catch up with many things… like read magazines which i havent read… thinking of what pretty clothes i shld buy … catching up on FP’s juicy discussion…
the feeling is wonderful! i’m so glad tt i’m not dead yet… :tongue1
recently, i have this sharp aching pain at my left shoulder.. the pain wld shoot up to my neck and then my left arm…and i’ll get a headache… and i thot i was so going to die…. i think the pain may be due to me carrying many heavy stuff?
anyway… upon knowing my condition…BH was sooooo ultra caring!!! i mean… it seems like i totally forgot tt he cld be this caring before… haha.. during the last weekend… he wld buy breakfast for me ( and my sis) and wash the plates and clear the rubbish while the both of us slack… i think he’ll mk a good house husband… i juz needed to “train” him once and he knows my house’s “pattern”… kekeke… even my mum was like… ” if ah bing was here… he would ……..*do this*” when she’s nagging at us to do household chores…
i think the most unforgettable moment was when we went out for dinner on sat. and he suddenly felt that my hands were very cold…. the look on his face was priceless… those near to panic kind of look… wah…… then i realised that i actually meant so much to him :blush1
juz this week…. coz i was in sch and my hp wasnt with me…. BH got so worried and sms my sis to check if i was alright….. my sis was like ” both of u quarrel is it?” nah… he was juz worried abt my condition….to top this up, what touched my most is… he’s really bz at work and he still took time to care for me! awwww…………. i feel so loved…. :heart1 i think love had taken most of my pain away… i m feeling better now! :1up:
anyway, it feels so funny to type all these… do i sound fake??? sometimes, i’ll tell BH how he made me feel sometimes but he claims that i’m so “fake”… haha…. i wonder how cld i be more genuine…
whatever it is…. i juz wanna say………..
** The above account are genuine and true reflections from my soft heart ** :blush1 kekekeke….
and you know what… i can’t wait for my holiday!!! anybody wants anything from Hongkong???
“I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange – no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine. ”
the above is a quote by Yvaine from Stardust. felt that it’s quite meaningful… haha.. shan’t say more…
i really love the part:
Tristan: [Yvaine is having a bath and he surprises her] Excuse me
Yvaine: [surprised] Oh!
Tristan: I think you’re in my bath.
Yvaine: Close your eyes!
Tristan: [turns around and laughs] Honestly I’m not looking. Here, I’ll turn away.
[laughs]
Yvaine: [with a towel on] Ok, you can open them now.
Tristan: Did you really mean what you said in the caravan?
Yvaine: What I…? But… You were a mouse! You were a mouse… you wanted cheese! You didn’t… I asked you to give me a sign!
Tristan: And risk you being too embarrassed to keep saying to me lovely things?
[kisses her forehead]
Tristan: You want to know what the Captain really whispered to me that day?
[Yvaine nods]
Tristan: He told me that my true love
[Yvaine begins to glow]
Tristan: was right in front of my eyes. And he was right.
[they kiss]
i thot it was superly sweet…. haha… the gesture of the guy kissing the gal on the forehead is soooooooooo romantic… well… if BH were to read this… i bet tt he’ll deliberately do the same to me… eeks! but Tristan is so charming can… keke
and i felt amazingly happy after the movie … ahh… love the song too…
Finally after many many busy weeks…. the school hols are here… BUT teachers still need to work… haf to go back to school for meetings… havent been blogging coz many things happened…
well… my grandpa was hospitalised… and i was really scared and worried about his condition…. now… he is still quite weak…. visiting him and looking at his condition now… juz pains me… somehow… i know i have to be ready for the worst…
dun wanna type anymore..i’ll blog more next time…
anyway… i’ve gt FaceBook! give me face…add me!!! amanda_bh@hotmail.com
last week was my happiest week of all the weeks…. coz… it was PSLE marking week.. though i had to wake up early and go to the marking/recording centre… i felt really glad…. i thnk if i were to die next week… i won’t have any regrets… really…
imagine… waking up everyday without feeling worried or angry…. waking up and looking forward to see my ex-nie frens ( those in my dipolam program)… meeting teachers from other schools and sharing experiences …. it’s a joy! :tongue1
let’s see…
Monday – met up with fel… and ym cldn’t come.
Wednesday – met up with zhihui and Caryn… celebrated Caryn’s bday at mysecretgarden
Friday – met up with huiying and sushan.. and coincidentally met shiuan at the art house! wow!
i hope i cld be as happy next week too…
let me end this entry by sharing something tt i m lusting for…
Balenciaga First
*dream dream dream*
Bh just left for sydney… don’t ask me for what :zip1
i wished i have a normal job then i can tk leave and fly off anytime too…. haiz…. then i can have a holiday during the non-peak season! how nice!
now… i have decided that i will give my class hell tomorrow… :rant:
and… what shall i get BH to buy back (besides Krispy Creme) ? :blank1